well, it was. however i denied. it did feel like needles on the tip of my lips, it did sound much like silence. when i tried to reach for your fingers there, moving up and down as you breathed, nothing changed.
you said i wasn’t trying as hard as you always did.. you did not exactly point out that i was the one to blame, but you kept making fun of how i, myself, put myself in it. or you. well, that doesn’t matter much anymore now, does it?
i might not be on the top of anyone’s lists of ‘religious people’, but i know guilt. and, not that i’m proud of it, i am feeling the shittiest guilt ever.
here. now. then. five minutes ago. an hour ago. when i took showers in the morning. when i sat behind the wheels. when i cursed for the unethical motorcycle drivers. when i did my assignments. when i bursted in laugh with my girlfriends. when i punched my friends for fun. when i ate my lunch. when i hated my figure on the mirror. when i ran in the middle of the rain.
i felt it.
on… the lighter side.
the first week of midterm exam had ended. and seeing from the fact that the ugliest one had passed since the first day ended, it didn’t exactly feel like midterm exam week for me. just the usual waking-up-early to catch up on today’s due assignment, only more often.
not that it had really ended, though. i still clearly got one more paperwork of design concept for this semester’s studio due on tuesday, 11 am.
i still have one piece of apple pie i bought at tizi while starving nearly to death in the middle of the road this noon. but it’s been three days i haven’t been able to eat properly for the sake of my monthly cramp (which turned out to be really really tormenting this time). i might just keep it for my tomorrow’s breakfast. or brunch. or lunch. or 4pm meal. or dinner. that would be depended on how ugly the cramp turn out to be tomorrow.
i still got three more dvds to accompany me tonight.
delight, delight. 🙂